When the Bleeding is the Blessing

"Why does this have to hurt?"

"When will this pain be over?"

"How long is this season going to last?"

"Who is going to help ME?"

These phrases have been going on in my mind for a while now. Evidenced by me not writing a single post since February. Definitely, surviving through disobedience.

Not recommended by the way.

I was tired. This year has been rough. And honestly, I felt fake writing anything.

I didn't feel like I was genuinely writing for the right reasons.

Selfishly, I thought "If I don't feel like writing, I probably shouldn't"

Also knowing, God was giving me things to say the entire time.

(I have so much I need to share with you all.) ♥

I didn't have the energy.

I also didn't want to make the sacrifice of putting my issues aside to encourage anyone.

Not even myself.

And for that, I apologize.

What's crazy is, while I was in the midst of a very dark moment (nothing too crazy, don't worry), someone I never thought I'd hear from reached out. We reconnected. We talked.

We forgave.

And honestly, if it wasn't for that moment... I don't think I would be writing this right now.

(Thank you, Rikketta) ♥

Those phrases above are common for someone who feels burnt out on life.

This doesn't mean someone is ready to end it. But I do ask if you feel close to that feeling, please seek help and know you are needed even and especially in the moments you don't feel it.

I think about all of the times, this year alone, where I've fought battles that hurt.

Then the hurt lasted longer than I expected.

Followed by seasons of loneliness.

Which were then trailed by times of survival by any means necessary.

I hit the numb button, and I was okay with simply not feeling.

If "feeling" anything meant all I felt was hurt, I'd opt to mentally check out.

Then I started looking back. I remembered all the times that almost killed me, including the times I almost killed myself (through intentional actions or irresponsible decisions).

I survived.

Not only had I survived. I also had a story to tell to help others do the same.

After rounds of therapy... And I'm talking all kinds y'all.

♧ Behavioral Therapy

♧ EMDR (google it. we don't have time for me to explain it. I will say it's DEEP.

♧ Psychiatry

The list goes on....

I just wanted the situation to make sense. I wanted the pain to go away.

Neither happened. 😢

Then I realized the more I tried to escape it, the worse it got.

Recently, I felt a Word in my spirit...

Surprisingly, it wasn't "God gives His hardest battles to His strongest soldiers."

Honestly, I'm not a fan of that phrase. It's nowhere in the Bible.

Sounds good though., I guess. lol

If we can pause on that for a moment:

What is in the Bible (to pick one example) check out the story of Gideon, in Judges 6-8.

God literally chose the "least of the least", who was HIDING IN A WINEPRESS, to fight a battle.

And then only gave him 300 people to do so. lol

I laugh because he started with 32,000 and God was like, "Nah, fam... Less. Much less."

Spoiler alert... Gideon won (through the guidance of God)

That preaches itself. 😉

But anyways, the voice I got in my spirit was...

"Sometimes we are allowed to hurt, so we can help others to heal."

What better example of this, than Jesus on the cross.

Let's read about how Jesus was treated and the process of hanging Him on a cross.

Luke 22:63 details how Jesus was mocked by the guards who seized Him.

They blindfolded Him and beat Him. Then would ask, "Prophesy. Who hit you."

(Talk about kicking a Man when He's down....)

Scriptures continue to tell about how the audience who had the power to let Jesus go, chose to free a murderer instead.

We'll come back to this point later... Stay tuned.

Mark 15:16-19 illustrates how the guards continued to mock him.

They beat Him over the head with a staff.

Jesus was spat on, then forced to wear a crown of thorns.

Imagine this:

They were already going to CRUCIFY HIM.

He was going to DIE regardless.

This was them ENJOYING the moment, just because they could.

(Have you ever had someone go out of their way to make your bad day worse?)

All of this is before Him being beaten by a cat of nine tails (a weapon made of a whip, that has nine pieces of rope hanging from it, knotted into the rope was often shards of glass.)

When it was used to hurt someone, not only would they be whipped, as the whip is retracted pieces of flesh would come out because the glass hooked into the skin as they person was beaten.

I won't make you imagine that. Here's a picture.

Pilate prepared a sign that said "Jesus of Nazareth: King of Jews." (John 19:20)

What's interesting is, and I never thought of it like this before, Jesus died for being ....

WHO HE WAS. (Let that settle in your spirit). 😲😲😲

I hope y'all see where we are going with this... If so or if not... Keep reading.

As Jesus was hung on the cross, nails driven through His wrists and through his stacked feet, He bled out.

But He was bleeding during the entire ordeal....

Scripture says Jesus was beaten so badly (before being nailed to the cross),

"His appearance was so disfigured beyond that of any human being

and his form marred beyond human likeness" (Isaiah 52:14)

Jesus went through all of this... And who did it benefit?

Not Him.

Us.

Jesus bled to be the sacrifice we no longer had to supply ourselves.

I think it's important to remember, when Jesus was on this earth.

He did not exist in a bubble.

Yes. He was God. He was man. Together.

This did not mean He was abstained from feeling pain.

The shortest verse in the Bible held the weight of Jesus' humanity.

"Jesus wept." John 11:15

The night before Jesus was seized and crucified, He prayed and wept.

He begged for the cup to be taken from Him. (Luke 22:44-45)

In the same breath, Jesus understood His assignment.

("Not my will, but Yours.")

The assignment He knew since birth.

Because He was God from immaculate conception.

We think WE have it bad. SHEESH!!

Imagine being in prenatal state, KNOWING you have to DIE..

ON A CROSS!!!!

(His own mother didn't know that part.)

As we continue looking at the moment Jesus cried on the Mount of Olives, to the point He cried blood, let's not forget His friends were ASLEEP.

The moment He was most vulnerable, the people He chose to walk with Him, slept on Him.

I have to think about the questions this post began with,

"Why does this have to hurt?"

"When will this pain be over?"

"How long is this season going to last?"

"Who is going to help ME?"

I can't help but wonder how many times these questions may have crossed Christ's mind while being brought to and hanging on the cross.

While His body weight was hanging by nails pierced through His wrists.

As His lungs were collapsing, and it got harder and harder to breathe.

I looked it up, y'all... It's not a pretty internal picture of how Jesus died.

Cardiac rupture: The heart can burst in severe cases of cardiac stress. 

Asphyxiation: The lack of oxygen from struggling to breathe while on the cross can damage tissue and veins, causing blood to leak into the heart and lungs. 

Shock: Jesus suffered from a severe type of blood loss-induced shock.

(Not to mention, He was already internally bleeding from the blows leading to the cross.)

Jesus paid the ultimate price, for us.

We could easily still be building alters, per household, sacrificing goats and lambs

EVERY TIME WE SIN...

(How many goats would you have had to offer by now, if there was no Jesus?)

But His blood was the source of our blessing.

Without the crucifixion of Christ, there is no salvation for us.

Let's look in the mirror now.

Is life hard?

YES!!

Are there moments we have to go through darkness alone?

YES!!!

Do you have moments when you, too, wish "take this cup from me, Father?"

I'M SURE OF IT!!

But maybe...

No...

Actually...

It was never about YOU, and your moment right now.

It's about those who would NEED YOU so they don't give up later.

Maybe we should all spend less time wishing we had someone to help us through, and instead think about, "how is God using me to save a life later?"

Let me say this, before it's taken out of context:

Just because God lets something happen to you, does not mean He left you.

It's time we start realizing the same God who allows us to be blessed,

is the same God who will use our mess.

Think about Job.

He lost EVERYTHING... and God allowed Satan to do it.

God knew, Job would be an example for unwavering faith.

For us.

And Job didn't have Jesus as an example of a harder sacrifice.

What I love about Job is he also examples, congruent to the story of Jesus, how much the people you need most are the ones who let you down.

It happens.

But you cannot obsess over the things and people who let you down.

We have to focus on the God who never will.

Job's losses caused him to question God, too.

Job 3:11 shows Job's vulnerability and maybe even disappointment, even.

He asked God why he allowed him to be born, just to experience so much suffering.

(Sound familiar?!)

His wife told him to curse God.

His friends told Job he must have done something to earn his misfortunes.

But the story of Job is so amazing, because even though he lost everything...

God restored it all. (Job 42)

Job's fortune was restored and multiplied from what he originally had and lost.

My favorite part of the story is in Job 42:12, where we learn

"The Lord blessed the latter part of Job’s life more than the former part."

Job held true to who God was/is, even when there was no obvious evidence of God being with with him.

Because he did, Job lived to see four generations after him.

God even blessed him with more children, after his sons died.

The same wife who told Job to curse God, God used to bring Job more children.

God literally used HIS HATER to BLESS HIM!!

Y'all....

I know it hurts.

I wont gaslight you and say, "it's not that bad."

Cause I'm sure it is.

But even when it's "that bad", remember God is still SO GOOD.

Your hardships may not "serve" you. But they still serve a purpose.

Be a vessel, not a victim.