When Life Sucks

Straws, and rings, and godly things... (Trust me, you need this) 😊

One of my Youth kiddos (let's call her "Lil Buddy.") text me this morning with the most random question.

Well, it seemed random at first.

"Do you think a straw has one hole or two?"

My immediate thought, was....

(I hope Tyler Perry doesn't mind me using that gif)

I answered her question quickly and with logic, "Two. One tunnel."

(I was rushing to get ready in the morning. I didn't want to ignore the text.)

But my spirit grafted it and immediately applied that question and answer to a conversation I was having in a neighboring text.

Unbeknownst to my Little Buddy, I was having a unseemingly paralleld conversation with a friend of mine (Let's call her "Good Sis") in the thread below.

In that thread, I was apologizing.

The night before was a huge breakthrough (and breakdown) for me. I was hurting. Badly.

Mentally.

Spiritually.

Just.... in everyway invisible way possible.

So much so, when I returned home from an evening commitment, I found myself doing everything possible to distract myself from my evening of disappointment.

I recorded a podcast.

I read my Bible.

I was listening to other podcasts.

But, as the kids say, "it wasn't hittin."

Anyway, it was like nothing I did made me feel any better.

I needed more.

I needed my feelings to be seen and recognized.

I needed validation.

I text my Good Sis. Who earned that randomly assigned nickname, not because she is "good-er" than any of my other folks. But she keeps me honest with myself.

In moments where I am going through it, she sees through my window of life, while also holding a mirror up to me for reflection as well.

I vented.

I knew in my heart, I should keep the situation to myself.

Honestly, I'd been hearing a lot from God lately about bringing myself and my life to Him more often and directly.

But I needed that hit of being heard. And she listened.

I kept the names and specifics out of the conversation.

I figured if I wasn't explicitly talking about who hurt my feelings, maybe this wouldn't really qualify as disobedience.

💡 (Nudge to self: If you have to validate it, it's probably best to just stop or not do the thing at all.) 👈🏽👈🏽 Am I the only person who gets the ephiphany after you already did the thing?

But I digress...

Good Sis heard me out.

She supported as best she could.

She empathized with me.

She was there for me.

Being a fellow Believer, she also handled the support respectfully and empathetically.

But this morning, I woke up and I felt convicted.

The Holy Spirit was like, "Hey, Cherita. You got it out. But now you need to apologize."

I knew venting, even if I had already brought it to God, was not okay.

Because I wasn't seeking guidance.

I just wanted someone to listen.

And had I really given it to God, if I went around and also gave it to someone else?

What does this have to do with a straw having one or two holes?

I'm getting there!!!

The additional context around the straw conversation was this:

💡 Lil Buddy was trying to get her friends to understand the reasoning behind seeing the straw as having two holes, due to it being cylindrical. It has two points of access, therefore it has two holes and not one.

💬💬 Her Youth Night village of buddies countered her thought process by comparing the straw to a ring, which has one continuous hole, but no distinct entry way or path for flow.

(My kiddos are deep thinkers, y'all) 😊😊😊

🚨🧠 NEURODIVERGENCE WARNING🧠🚨:

(I promise, if you hang in there with me, all of this makes sense)

This got me thinking... 🤔💭

My relationship with God is like that straw.

My relationship with people is like the ring. (Or a donut - because that came up in comparisons, too.)

Even if one of the holes is closed, the straw is still a straw.

It just doesn't work well.

Actually it doesn't work at all.

A straw is only functional when both of the holes are open.

Don't get me wrong, now!

Rings and donuts are great.

I mean, look at them. How beautiful, right!

But neither of them has a designated place for a flow.

They can be various levels of flashy or subtle.

You can have one or many.

They can be high quality, or they can be many in quantity.

If you are lucky, you have a few rings that are both.

And don't get me started on donuts.

A ring or a donut, truly mirrors our relationship with people:

⦿ Nice to have.

⦿ Serves a purpose.

But the straw is sooo much like God.

The straw has an input and an output.

Things can flow up, then back down, and vice versa.

Even if you put it in "upside down" it still works.

You ever had a crazy straw?

Doesn't matter how many loop-di-loops it has in it, with enough effort you will still get your drink through from point A to point B.

But have you ever had a defective straw?

You know... One where either side (or maybe even both ends) have a closed side?

Or maybe one side isn't completely open.

No matter how much you try, nothing will flow through it well - if at all.

Having a relationship with God is like having a straw in a cup. 🥤

(The cup is life.)

Well, come back to that point - hold up.

The same can be said with our relationship with God.

Do we have both sides available?

Or are we just using our end to speak, and not opening ourselves up to hear back from Him?

Talking to our friends is great.

Like we said - some are high quality, right?

We call them friends because we care for them and they care for us.

But....

At the end of the day, if we are in true need for support...

We need to go, where there is a flow.

Rings (or donuts) and straws both have holes, but each serves completely differing purposes.

You wouldnt try to drink though something shaped more like a ring than a cylinder, would you? 👀👀

I'm sure it would be fun to try - especially if you tried to with a donut!

That might fun and delicious (depending on the combo).

But, I'm confident most of us would not try to seriously drink through a donut.

Just because we have access to support from our friends (and family), it does not mean they are the right type of support. And let's flip that around for a bit of personal accountability, just because we want to be a friend to somene else does not mean we are the right conduit either..

There are so many scriptures to unpack this...

I'm a huge Job fan. (I'm sure some of you saw this coming)

He's relatable.

Especially on days when the world feels like it's falling apart and nothing is going well.

Job had friends.

They were not a great source for guidance and wisdom, even though I'm sure they thought they were.

After all - they meant well. (Like most of our friends, right?!)

Job's pals and his own wife had only really witnessed what Job was going through based on the experiences of others. Because of this, they could only support Job through learned logic.

Job didn't even call his friends for help. They heard about what was going on with Job and "set out from their homes" and met with together in alignment to sympathize and comfort their friend. (What great friends do, amirite?)

But just because they pulled up, does not mean they were sent from God.

From a distance, as they approached Job's land, they saw Job was down bad. They could barely recognize him.

His friends weeped for him (what they could see, and I'm sure over what they could not see.)

These friends even sat with him for seven days.

They didn't say a word in that time.

Then Job started talking.

He cursed the day he was born.

Job even asked for those who curse days to curse that day with him.

Misery was loving company.

And at that point, his friends saw the openings to join his pity party.

This wasn't a one-time chat, these conversations lasted from Job 2:11-32:1

THAT'S ALMOST THIRTY CHAPTERS OF BAD ADVICE.

His friends saw his anguish as an opportunity to direct his anger towards God and even blamed Him, posturing (from the experience of others) maybe Job did something to deserve this and he should consider what evil he may have done to walk in such horrid circumstances.

Life was getting worse and worse for Job, and so was the advice.

Had Job had actually listened to them, I don't think he would have been setup to endure the way he did.

Check out "When the Bleeding is the Blessing" to read more about how Job's story turned out. (Or just read the book of Job.)

As I am writing this, I think it's important to also reflect on something super important.

I almost missed this myself...

Sometimes, we don't need to tell our friends anything.

Not the step-by-step details anyway.

I think about Joseph, and all he went through with his brothers, who through him into a pit and sold him into slavery.

That's just the start of it!!

I mean.... the original plan was to murder Joseph, so it could have been worse. 🤷🏽‍♀️

(Shout out to his brothers Reuben and Judah, kind of - Genesis 37:21-27)

Joseph had the Lord's favor in everything he came upon after being sold to the Ishmaelites.

Favor did not show itself in Joseph escaping slavery and living happily ever.

Honestly, it got a bit worse with Potiphar's wife trying to get with him.

Then she set him up to look like he came after her.

After that, Joseph was thrown into prison.

Even there, the warden had favor with Joseph.

This also doesn't mean Joseph didn't have difficult times going forward.

I mean, he was in jail.

But I read Joseph's story over and over again, and realized there as something I did not read.

Because it didn't happen.

Nowhere in Joseph's story does he tell anyone what brought him to his current or previous circumstances.

Why is this important?

How do I even know that?

Because the Bible (being the Word of God) is intentionally descriptive, sometimes to the point of needing an energy drink.

Anyone who studied or attempted to read all of the geneology passages can tell you there is a lot in the Bible where details are not spared at all.

With that knowledge, one can determine what is shared - whether a lot or a little - about any person in the Bible was enough to reflect their character.

No where in Joseph's story did he talk about his trials and tribulations, because talking about things he couldn't control or had already passed was not who he was.

What's crazy (as I read this over again, before hitting "publish") is realizing Joseph really only spoke when relaying a message from God.

THAT'LL PREACH!!! - BUT NOT RIGHT NOW :)

He did play some tricks on his brothers, so we know he also kept his sense of humor somehow.

Besides that, he was man of few words.

What Genesis does tell us repeatedly about the life of Joseph, is how he knew and felt God with him.

Everywhere he went.

In each position he held.

As a brother in a pit, a righthand man to Potiphar, a prisoner in a jail, and a ruler over Egypt.

Even in the part where the story starts to live a little happier every after,

When Joseph recognizes his brothers and eventually reconciles with them and reconnects with his father.

Joseph had a bit of fun with his brothers, and the petty person in me always enjoys reading the part where he treats them like they are spies, and they freak out about it.

Multiple times.

(Genesis 42:8 - 44:34 shows us Ashton Kutcher had nothing on Joseph)

Even with that subtle shade, Joseph is not recorded telling anyone about what his brothers did to him. Nor did he throw it in their faces.

In fact, one of the most well-known versus of scripture comes from just how well Joseph responded to his brothers, once they knew who he was.

Genesis 50:20 quotes Joseph to have said to his brothers, "you intended to harm me, but God intended it for good..."

Joseph and Job both show us how God works when we trust Him over the council and perspectives of those around us.

They had a connection with God.

A two-way, open funnel for communications.

See, we're coming back around to the point! LOL

This is not to say our friends cannot be or aren't supportive.

The Bible speaks directly on friendships and the importance of them throughout much of Proverbs.

What we have to be cautious and cognizant of is not replacing God with our friendships on earth.

Which can be hard. I get it.

I told my Good Sis, in my apology text, that it can be hard going to an invisible God.

He KNOWS that.

I think, maybe I know in my spirit, that is why He does have joy when we bring ourselves and our messes to Him.

Because He knows it is hard to go to Him when the world is full of things we can see, touch, hold, and talk to - right in front of us.

What's the point of having a God we don't need?

When life sucks, and let's be honest - it can and will sometimes - our friends are great.

But God is who we need.

I mentioned something earlier.

"I needed more.

I needed my feelings to be seen and recognized.

I needed validation."

Y'all, when we get that itch for people...

It should really be a spiritual trigger to seek God.

What we are really wanting isn't validation.

We want our ego cradled.

We want to be "right."

I'll speak for myself, I don't think I really wanted to be corrected either.

There's a dopamine effect in gossipping.

An oxytocin release as well.

When you feel bad, it literally FEELS GOOD to talk about it.

But feeling good, from a biblican perspective, is often where sin comes in,

Not relief.

Life sucks when we feel alone, betrayed.... and empty.

Remember, the only way to know a straw works, is when it sucks.

Give it to God. ❤️‍🩹