Wait on You

"They that WAIT

On the Lord

Shall renew

Their strength.

They shall mount up

Upon wings

Like an Eagle

And soar.

They shall walk,

and not get weary.

They shall run,

And not faint.

That's what happens when you wait."

Those lyrics are from a song called, "Wait on You." It's song by Elevation Worship and Maverick City Music, from the "Old Church Basement Album." It's also a quote based on scripture (Isaiah 41:31 is where I am coming from, but there are many examples in the Bible telling us to wait on God and what He has for us.)

I've quoted and referenced this song before, in a previous post about my father, called "The Tomb of Lazarus"(Why, yes. That is a hyperlink... Check out that post, too!) :)

I mention that because normally when I listen to "Wait on You," I think about my father's death. I rarely think about all the other things in life I should wait on God for.

Until recently.

In April of last year, I was in a situation that was .... well. I don't have a cute way to say it.

I was laid off. (Whew.. still hurts to think about it)

The situation didn't hit me the way it should have; not in the beginning at first. You see, I (thought I) was in the midst of a role transition anyway. I had another role lined up, and sooo many people on my side to make it happen.

Remember I said it, like that... It's bold for a reason.

We were expediting the process. Just trying to make a new role work.

Then... it fell through. And that hit me.

Boy. Did it hit meeeeee!

Y'all, I slept a lot. For almost two weeks.

And I was embarrassed. I was a global leader for FOUR global organizations; in a role that I was super passionate about. But I'll be honest.

I loved my job, but the atmosphere was not all cake and ice cream. We don't need to get into all that. lol.

I started telling the groups I support what was going on. I waited like a month to say anything. For the first two weeks, because I was basically in denial. I mean, I (thought I) had this other role.. This doesn't really impact me.. I'm CHERITA. I'm great!!"

(Side note.. Being great at anything doesn't disqualify you from not-so-"great" experiences.)

The second two weeks was me disconnecting (and kind of disassociating).

I was trying to figure out what my life looked liked in this new state.

I applied to jobs like CRAZY. (Seriously, y'all. If Linkedin would have broken, it would've been my fault.)

But once I started letting people know what was going on, I was met with something I normally don't expect or experience from people.

Hope.

Support.

Financial Assistance. <-- I really, rarely even ask for that one.

Patience.

And my favorite.... referrals.

Organically, an opportunity presented it self. It almost mirrored the original situation from earlier. But now that this was happening, I realized that the original plan didn't work out because it was MY plan.

I said earlier, we were trying to "make" it work.

And that was the problem.

This is is where everything kind of came together. (Not just for my good, but for the Kingdom.)

Family - when we are presented with a crisis, I know it is completely natural to feel flustered. We want to move quickly. And we want to solve it as soon as possible.

Especially, when it impacts your ability to support for your family.

But what if the things that make us want to rush into survival mode, are really what God is presenting us with... to slow down and survive.

As I reflect back on this time it makes me think about a Bible verse I use to misinterpret when I was less mature in my relationship with God.

Psalm 37:4, "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart."

I used to think this meant, if I sought God in my daily life, He would give me the things I personally wanted. I'm embarrassed to admit this but I wasn't a child with these thoughts and inaccurate beliefs.

My prefrontal cortex was fully-developed, for at least five years at that point. lol/smh

I really, REALLY thought God was my genie.. And this unhealthy mentality was a huge chunk of why I was so devastated when things like this (a loss of any kind) happened in my life.

I felt like, "Wow, God.. I held up my end of the deal... Where are you? Where are my happy endings? Why aren't my dreams coming true? How are my desires not being provided to me?"

Looking back, I realize I was talking to my Father like a child throwing a tantrum.

A selfish one, at that.

God doesn't owe me anything.

Say that with me, because it applies to you also... On three.

1...

2......

3.........

"God.. doesn't owe... ME...anything."

And this "deal" I claimed to be upholding on my end was very one-sided. Let's be honest.

God is always putting in more work than we are. Every second of our daily productivity fails in comparison to the Author and Sustainer of the universe.

Back to that Bible verse (Psalm 37:4. I'll save you from trying to remember or searching in a upward scroll. You're welcome) :)

God giving us the desires of our hearts, is not Him reading our grocery list and bringing us our items via a spiritual Instacart delivery. While I do enjoy a virtual order service, this ain't that.

This scripture means He will place on our hearts the things, people, vocations.. any- and everything He want's us to want for ourselves. Delighting ourselves in the Lord means, we do the things that make Him happy and find genuine joy in them.

Even if it means, doing/not doing having/not having the things we do not enjoy.

In this case, it was me not working. But I soon found the miracle in forced obedience.

When I slept for a week straight, it was weird.

Honestly, I didn't enjoy it at all.

I thought I was being lazy.

Then I had a friend speak some sense into me,

"You've been working nonstop since high school. Besides the occasional 2-3 day vacation, when was the last time you actually RESTED without working? When is the last time you had time off just for YOU?" (Thanks, Jen!)

To be honest. I hadn't.

To be REALLY honest... I can't even say I've done a great job honoring the Sabbath over the course of my life.

I did the math... 7 days in a week, for about five weeks, of not working... It equals almost a year of Sabbaths (47 to be exact).

What's crazy is my layoff experience lasted for almost 50 days.

And through each of those days I seriously wondered what the HECK am I going to do without THIS job. The one that brought me notoriety. The job that gave me high self esteem and confidence. The job that gave me a sense of identity.

The job that made me feel like I didn't need God.

Oh.

My.

God.

That job was pulling me from my relationship with God.

Wait.. We are missing accountability here: I was putting that job above my relationship with God.

Now, well then.. There I was without that role, and all I had was God.

In my lesser years of maturity.. God would have been Louise Belcher, laughing at the fall from my prime.

To the contrary. God wasn't laughing at me.

He was waiting for me.

In times of despair and disappointment, it's important to remember God is not a "mean" Father. He isn't petty. Nor does He look forward to telling us, "I told you so," with a grin on His face. God is a good Father.

I used to struggle with thinking of God through an earthly father's experience. Most of us have poor relationships with our dads. I mean... C'mon. The phrase "daddy issues" doesnt come from having great and healthy relationships with our Pops. My dad, in his early years was undependable, extremely hurtful, and spiteful. This is dangerous and it's absolutely false.

But the Word tells us the Truth about our Heavenly Father:

♡ Isaiah 30:18 tells us God waits to be gracious to us. This means, no matter how much we deserve it, God is not mad at us when we mess up. Remember, He made us knowing all we would do. Yet, He still decided to create us. He loves us.

What's beautiful about this scripture is it brings us full circle. Not only are we to wait on God. He is waiting on us. Putting all this together, the longer we make Him wait on us, the longer we position ourselves to wait on Him.

This doesn't mean He isn't with us through what we go through, good or not so great. We do need to remember God has provided us free will since Genesis. He will never force us to serve Him, and He will not make us prioritize Him.

It's important to note something VERY important: prioritizing God does not also mean when we "do right" we get what we want. Remember when I said, God is not our delivery man? That is applicable whether we do well following Him or backslide every other day.

Something an old mentor shared with me many moons in Christ ago was this: "God will go with you everywhere. He can only provide for you, where you are following in His will."

From that point of reflection I knew that this was not a point to have a prayer of desperation.

None of that, "God if you bless me I promise to never put you last again."

Nah, bruh.

God is also not down with gambling and bartering with our souls. Keep in mind, HE MADE YOU, so even with your best intentions, He is very aware of exactly when we will mess up again. lol.

Let's save ourselves all from of that. :)

What I needed to do was take that time away from work to have a closer alignment with God. I needed to not only seek Him, but to search for who I was/am with or without a cool job and a lot of earthly influence.

This also meant, I still needed to put in the work for finding another job.

"Faith without works is dead." (James 2:17) and the old adages say "A (wo)man who don't work, don't eat."

I was able to find a new role to work at the same company, before severance officially kicked in. This meant, I technically was never unemployed. (Even though I definitely felt all of the emotions that came with not having a job.)

I also found a deeper connection with God and who I was created to be, with or without the accolades and recognition.

I pray that whatever you are going through becomes a platform for elevated relationships, even in the valley of disappointment and loneliness.

Who we are is not dependent on cool jobs, awesome significant others, or any title that brings a bunch of connections on Linkedin.

When we seek God, and allow ourselves to seek what He has put in our hearts, it positions us to win no matter where we are or who is around us.