Shooting Your Shot

Understanding Where to Aim When Dating..... Well, Trying to Date

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"Aye.. Do you yell ' Kobe' when you shoot your shot?" - A note I'll never stop laughing at in my mind from a group chat I'm in. My friends (hey, Enoch) and I were talking amongst ourselves about the way men and/or women should approach someone they are interested in.

Yes.. I know "amongst" isn't grammatically correct.. But it was fitting for the effect. :)

But seriously, what do you do when you want to "shoot your shot"?

Wanting to be with someone often feels like it depends on support. For those who don't follow Christianity, this support may come from a wing man (or wing woman). For Believers it may be that with some scriptural direction from the Bible. We all mean well - Believers and non-Believers alike. But even with Christians leaning on the Bible, are we doing so within the right context? "Finding" (you'll see why that was put in quotations later) a significant other feels like it requires a lot of strategy and follow through... But does it?

Let's take it back... Waaaaaaaay back.... Back into time.... Like 700 years BC.

People thought they took their shot through (you guessed it) CUPID...

This little man, well... baby. Was thought to help or trap people into falling in love. One little arrow and BAM. Love at first sight. I think we take this mythological tale and horribly apply it to reality today.

In sports like archery and basketball, games where players literally shoot their shot, where do they aim to get the point? The target. Sure, in a team sport the object may be passed from person to person, but you don't win based on how many people touch the ball (or whatever it is). The game is won by the amount of times an actual score occurs. How many times the ball goes through the net. How accurately the arrow hits the bullseye.

So why, as Christians, do we think we need to shoot our shot at another person?

I already know what the guys are going to say.... I got you, fellas. That good ol Proverb (18:22), "He who finds a wife, findeth a good thing." And yes, us too ladies, in another Proverb we are told the ingredients of what that "wife" looks like (Proverbs 31).

Two things need to be clear, and I mean very clear.... When Solomon was writing these scriptures, he was not writing as a matchmaker. Gentlemen, he was not telling you to "look for" a wife. And ladies, he was not creating a shopping list of desirable characteristics - meant for us to have just for the attraction and attention of men. C'mon, yall.

This was Solomon, not Chuck Woolery (Google it).

Men and women were equally designed in God's image (Genesis 1:27). Out of the existing, eternal relationship of the Trinity (God, The Holy Spirit, and Jesus - in one), We were all created out of relationship of God to seek relationship with God.

Yes, I know and recognize, Eve was created because man being "alone" was "not good." But in the wonderful words of Mike Todd, Lead Pastor of Transformation Church and author of the NY Times Best Seller, Relationship Goals, just because it was "not good" for man (or woman) to be alone does not mean it's "bad" when they are single.

I love the illustration of Adam's relationship with God, before Eve's creation. They walked together and talked all the time. Out of Adam's dedication to God, he was blessed with a partner. Let's back track that... Man was created from the relationship among the Trinity. Then once Adam had established relationship with God, he was given another relationship.

So this is where having the right target is necessary, but why aim is soo important.

We talked earlier about archery and basketball, right? Let's focus on archery.

What if someone picked up their bow and arrow, and didn't realize how to win. Instead of aiming at the bullseye, as the sport is designed, the archer just shot at the people around them. Hurting people for no reason, because he/she didn't take the time to understand the sport.

What's the point in having great aim, if you aren't shooting the right object. Even more - imagine how much more dangerous the sport becomes, when everybody is fair game.

And let's be fair... This is an illustration of how we attempt dating.... When we hurt people, that pain doesn't stay in the vicinity of our interaction... That experience gets carried through every relationship (or attempt of one) going forward.

Tie it back to the Proverbs directed to men and women. The goal is not to "find" or "be found." It's about seeking God and maintaining a relationship with Him. He is the target!!!

Guys and gals, when the Bible says to "press towards the mark" (Philippians 3:14) it is not talking about our goals, dreams, ambitions, or potential "bae." The "mark" is our relationship with God, The Holy Spirit, and Christ. Are we seeking them in all we do? Are we consulting them as we step into our purpose. Is He our priority, and not just an afterthought.

Here's how to tell the difference, when it comes to dating...

If you are minding His business; you are seeking God daily. You go where He told you to go. You pray before entering serious interactions. As He is the "light to your feet" (Psalm 119:105), you follow Him step-by-step in your life. As you do these things, this happens.

As a man - you "find" your "good thing" as you are seeking God.

As a woman - you become that "good thing" as you are growing in God.

Picture two people reading a book, walking the same direction. They are so engrossed in what they are reading, they bump into each other... Only to realize, they were also reading the same book. This is how our relationships should go.

Guy (runs into girl), "I was just following my purpose in the Lord and I ran into you."

Girl (ran into guy), "That's crazy... I was just walking in my purpose when you bumped into me."

Cute, right... The making of an awesome romcom (Romantic Comedy, keep up).

But imagine how (let's be honest) stupid these two individuals would look if they saw each other and intentionally set it up to run into each other... Like.. seriously, were just staring at each other and didn't realize (because they focus was solely one one another and nothing else), they confused their depth perception and bumped heads.

That's no romcom... That's basically "Dumb and Dumber."

But we do the latter more than the former.

Do we really think Solomon, in all his God-given wisdom, went through all of Proverbs to have us looking silly - in the name of Jesus?!

Nah, B.

It's not about the person.... It's about YOUR PURPOSE.

Your purpose is not to "find" or be "found," y'all.... It's to seek God and be kept by Him.

Walk in your purpose, in the foundation of your creation, and develop/sustain your relationship in God. Then your reward for that relationship will be another relationship.

Let's be real... Relationships aren't just "Netflix and Chill" indefinitely.

Relationships are another role of responsibility.

And how do we get more responsibility from God? By proving ourselves to be proper stewards over the responsibilities we already have. Do you really think, I mean really, think God is going to "bless" you with something you either/both can't handle or won't balance with your relationship with Him?

Keep in mind.... Your significant other is also a child of God. Why would He give one of His valued children to another, who would misuse and/or abuse them? Trust me, I have a child. And the one thing I know I will be taking very seriously, when she is of age, is whom she gives her attention and loyalty to. Before dating is even on the table, I'm going to be invested in how well she manages the real priorities in her life.. Her homework, he attitude, how well she respects herself, and those in our family. I'm not going to let her do whatever she wants without first laying the expectation and making sure she meets those standards.

God would be an irresponsible Father, if He did not do the same. And ummmm, last I checked. He's perfect soooo... yeah.

I remember hearing someone say, "You gotta let God be your point guard." But how about letting Him be your goal. Matthew 6:33 teaches us to "seek ye FIRST the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things things shall be added unto you." Now the passage preceding this scripture was talking about how the least of God's creatures (the animals in the sky or on the ground) do not worry about where their provisions come from, and neither should we. Even though that particular verse was talking about what to wear or what to eat... Have you noticed animals always seem to figure out who to mate with?

Neither should we....