Sending You Forget-Me-Nots

"I want you to remember"

Everyday my life is basically Groundhog's Day. I repeat myself often to the members of my household. I have a six year old who is... well, she's six. I'm also the primary caretaker of my mother. She is in her mid-sixties and has advanced Dementia. Her memory resets every two minutes or so. That being said, I find myself reminding her of things she should and shouldn't do.

I end up in many internal conversations with myself. "How many times do I need to say [insert any action I personally don't have to think twice about during the day]? Or - "This is so simple, I don't understand why she won't just [insert something that someone without dementia knows not to do because it could result in harm to self or others].

I don't understand. Repeating this everyday is tiresome.

I find myself in a place of conviction when these things make me upset. I feel a tug on my spirit.

"How many times have I told you not to [insert any sin in the Book]?"

I came to realize a few months ago, while I am in the position to care for my mother, I am also in a place to be reminded of how God cares for me.

Something as simple as not taking the remote from the living room and hiding it under a pillow, is nothing compared to the things I think I'm hiding from God. The progress my mom makes in one area, day over day is a mere distraction from the things she is slipping from.

This is like me getting streak in my Bible plan attendance, but still gossiping about people when I'm in a casual conversation.

I'm constantly positioned and humbled by all the things God puts up with, with me.

No matter how irritated or frustrated I get with my mother, I would never not take care of her. She's not going into a "home." I'm not going to have a "Woman Thou Art Loosed" moment when I help her bathe. I'm going to care for her the best I can with what I have, because she's my mother. More so, let's be reminded, I have a six year old with a front row seat to how I treat my mom.

People with Dementia tend to get most angry with the individuals they are closest to, or "who they love the most." I'm not too adept in why that is. I'm still learning about this myself. But the correlation I see is how I've treated God in my life.

The one who is the sole reason I have breath in my lungs is the very person I betray (in one way or another) almost daily. He's who I get angry with the quickest when things don't turn out the way I planned.

My mother is my constant reminder of the person I need to be, due to who she needs me to be daily. I clean up messes I didn't make. I tell her I love her after she's told me she wishes I wasn't around. And I don't retaliate when she's said or done something I wouldn't let a stranger on the street get away with. I care for her because she is mine.

And all though I fail many times, both in service to my mother and in my life as a Christian, I'm reminded of a God who hasn't failed me. All of the constant reminders from Him for me to "not do that," "don't say that," "didn't you just tell me you'd stop doing...." But I wake up everyday - cared for, cleaned up after, loved as though none of the above happened.

My mother, who doesn't remember much, is my constant reminder.

She's my "forget-Me-not" from God.