Relay for Life

How to run your race with others without running out of what God has for you

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I will be the first to admit, I am not a fan of being around people. I was practicing "social distancing" before it was a command from the government. At the same time, I love helping people. For me, this meant I only came out of my shell to help those around me. I've always been like this. It's a gift and a curse. It means, for me, I know I can't depend on people around me; but I know I can be to others what they have "failed" to be to me.

And it's draining. Honestly... It's selfish.

As much as it brings me joy to "be there" for people. I'm the person setting myself up for failure. This is not because I chose to help others. It's a result of not replenishing myself. I position myself to be the "go-to" person for those around me. Even, often, going out of my way to make sure people know I am thinking of them and ready to support them. But here is what I wasn't doing.... Several things, actually.

1. I wasn't seeking for confirmation before committing.

2. I wasn't giving people to God.

3. I wasn't refueling/refilling myself.

Once again, I am not an extrovert. When I am around a bunch of people, I get anxiety. But one-on-one, I flourish in intimate settings. I love getting to know people as who they are. When the setting provides me with the opportunity to share God with someone, I go for it. There's something about who I am called to be, that people feel very comfortable sharing their lives with me. The ups and the downs, their highs and lows, their fears and struggles; all are conversations I have such a heart for. And I attach myself to them, the people and their lives, on a personal level. If someone feels the freedom and trust to share vulnerable issues with me, I feel convicted to help see them through. Like I said, it's like a calling on my life.

But every person is not my mission. Nor is my purpose tied to every person I meet.

Even if my purpose is to help those around me, the overall goal set before every believer is to get people to God - by us (our talents, our words, and our actions) through Him (God - His Word, His Spirit, and His Son). Knowing that, its important to not confuse helping people see God with positioning ourselves as God. If we bulldoze our way into the lives of those we were not sent, His Word gets overridden by our intentions. Even if we delicately handle someone; not all circumstances are meant to be touched by us. God is working in the lives of everyone around us; those who believe and those who do not. We may be sent as a vessel to some, but if we step where we were not sent, we can stunt what God is doing and sabotage His work. All while meaning to do well.

This message is geared to those of us who get "drained" being there for people. But what if we are "drained," because we are giving energy to individuals/groups where we were not called to do so. I think a lot of us are running triathlons where we are supposed to do relays.

Triathlons are comprised of several events in one race, typically done by the same person all the way through. The events are running, swimming, and cycling. It can last about 3-4 hours. A relay race can differ in length. The most common relay race (or at least the one I'm most familiar with) is the 4x400. There's a few others that can last about 36 hours, kind of like cross country style. Regardless a relay is made up of four people - each running one "leg" (a section) a piece.

I'm no runner. I'm not even in shape. So, with that being said, bear with me as I am speaking from the aspect of someone who studied how races go, and how to prepare for them. I'm here for your spiritual well-being, not as a physical fitness guru. :)

Before any individual commits themselves to entering a sport, they are conditioned from a young age. Most people don't wake up one day and become first-place athletes the next. It takes dedication and years of perfecting their techniques, postures, and having invested coaches and trainers. They know early on what they are getting into, and what it takes to remain dedicated. We, as believers, need to have the same level of awareness and support.

We jump into the lives of other people, often multiple people at once, and have no idea what we are getting ourselves into. The dedication it takes to remain consistent. Not to mention the fact, we are fighting our own battles as well. And we do so with the mentality of a triathlete. Am I the only person who feels like I am someone's "only" source of support? We dive in head first with out any inkling of how deep the waters are, and without consent to even participate. In efforts to be Christ-like, and "love thy neighbor," we forget one thing about Jesus and His story: He didn't stop to help everybody.

Think about when Jesus healed the woman with the issue of blood in Luke 8. Jesus was surrounded by a crowd of people who all wanted something from Him. I can't honestly think that woman was the only one to touch Jesus, as the crowds pushed towards Him. Or when Jesus restored sight to the blind man in John 9. There are so many reflections of the life of Christ where He performed miracle after miracle, and restored those around Him. But He did not do this for everyone. It wasn't because He couldn't. I also don't believe it was because He didn't want to. We look at Christ and become so enamored by His life, that we miss a very important fact outside of that. While Jesus was walking the earth, God was God. I don't believe people simply "weren't blessed" because they didn't have the ability to be face-to-face with Christ. There was still God.

I know... I know... Weren't we just talking about races? I got you.

We are all running a leg in the relay race God placed us in. Except, where earthly relays have four people, God's has something different. The Father, The Son, The Holy Spirit, and a person. There are movements in the lives of those around us that are being lead by the trinity, and by the relationships developed by people. A pill we all need to swallow, is that "person" is not always "you." And when it is you, there are things that only God can do - even if it feels like the task is something you can personally accomplish.

Three things can disqualify a runner from the race while running a relay:

1. Running out of their lane

2. Not exchanging the baton

3. Going to the finish line without the baton.

This meshes perfectly with what we just talked about. Now we all know we are running a leg of a race among the Trinity - these three areas highlight knowing when to stay in our zone and when to release our grip.

We just summed up the importance of seeking God before we decide to commit to another person. This is us running out of our lane; doing something without the instruction of God. Being out of a lane is being out of His Will. Whether you meant to or not, it can complicate the blessing God had coming to that individual and to you as well. Remember, we aren't in a triathlon. We are not the sole source of a person getting what they need from life or God. Even when we are instructed to help someone, we have to do it with intention. Every step we take with them, every work we speak, and every day we stay committed needs to be instructed by God. We can overstay our position and overstep our lane.

The exchange is key, and it overlaps with staying in your lane. The late and great Kenny Rogers said it best, "You've got to know when to hold em. Know when to fold em." We have to know when we've achieved our purpose in another person's life. We can't gamble with God and His timing. "Know when to walk away." Every season of a person's life is not (always) meant to have you in it. And vice versa.

The story of Lazarus (John 11) describes this perfectly. For one, Jesus -being God- knew when Lazarus was ill and when he would die, well before someone came up and told Him. Even when the messenger came and told Jesus about Lazarus being sick, He didn't run to be by his side.

We have to practice self-restraint in our lives and in the interaction of those around us. Sometimes, often, we have to accept knowing this. when we get to a person is exactly when we were meant to be there. Being in a "rush" (to a person or a situation), just because you have the ability to, does not equate to being "ready." Neither does how much you know about the person after the fact matter. Sometimes we stick around, because we want to see the person through to their next chapter. We are not entitled, or maybe the word is "deserving," to that next page in someone else's story.

Jesus got to Lazarus well after he died. But it didn't make Christ any less capable of healing him. As a matter of fact, it was even more glorious to witness the resurrection than it would have been to restore him from being sick in bed. And after Lazarus was alive again, there was not much scripture given to present closure to the story. We don't know what happened after that. Did Jesus hang out for a few days? Did they walk and talk together? Did Mary apologize for having that attitude when Jesus took three days to show up? We don't know. Maybe none of it happened. But it honestly doesn't matter. The next chapter (John 12) had nothing to do with Jesus and Lazarus together. Jesus had other things to deal with, and He went on to the next battle. Although we do not know how much time Jesus spent with Lazarus and his family after the resurrection, I can tell you this. Had Jesus stayed there forever, who would have been our Savior? Honestly, Jesus' life might have been "better" had he stuck around and not been in position to be crucified. It would have been easier, but it would not have filled His purpose.

The exchange isn't always as simple as knowing when to walk away, but knowing that we are exchanging our mission with someone else for our purpose in God. Other times the exchange is knowing that we are only meant to do so much for someone before God steps in to do the rest, either by Him directly or by having another vessel. Just because we have the ability and the desire to help those around us, does not always mean we are the person meant to do so. To believe we are someone's only hope would almost be to say, if it can't be done by us, it won't be done by God. How self-absorbed would that be?

Before we get to the third disqualifier, it's important to talk about what all runners need when running a race - any race... To refuel.

Athletes will tell you how important hydration is. I can vouch for this from a professional aspect. I work in a warehouse, and in the summer, no matter how many fans we have on in the building, water is so important for our workers and anyone spending a good amount of time in the building. A good fact about hydration is it's not just about drinking water on the day you know it's going to be hot. You have to drink water all the time. Hydration is a state of being for your body, not a sip of water when you feel thirsty. Apply this to your life and what happens when you follow God's Will to be a resource to another person.

If you are consistently pouring yourself into others, what should you also be doing? That's right. Making sure something is pouring back into you. The common misconception about this is we think who we are pouring into should be the resource pouring back into us. "If I'm draining myself to make sure you are okay. You should want to be what refreshed me." But let's be self-critical and honest. If the people we are giving to had the capacity to give to us, would they really need us in the first place? So what logic does it make to have unrealistic expectations while we are really draining ourselves.

The answer is not to "stop giving," "leave people alone," or even "get someone else to fill me while I fill you." All of that is crazy. If you are a Christian taking the time to fill people with the love of Christ. You have to go straight to your source. We need God to get more of God. Our peace does not have to come in pieces. But it does need to come strategically.

If you spent two hours today sharing God with someone, and your only source of God was the 47 minutes you spent watching church on Youtube (mind you, this reference is during the need for social distancing in consideration for COVID-19), then you are already negative 13 minutes of what you gave yourself. Anyone with a bank account can tell you what happens when you spend what you don't have. And anyone who has actually gone negative can attest to the fact you get in an even deeper hole because you get charged money for spending money you didn't have. This happens in your spirit as well.

Remember, you are also dealing with you while you are helping those around you. So while you give, you are also in need of what you gave away. Your troubles, tests, and tribulations do not go on pause until you finish with another individual. The devil doesn't stop out of consideration for your kindness to others. If anything, he doubles your troubles, and watches you get angry with God over something you did to yourself.

Y'all should hear my prayers when I've violated all of my boundaries; running out of my lane, not passing the baton, not being hydrated by the Word of God. It's complaint-central. "God, where is my 'friend' at?" "Why would you let this happen to me while I am helping Your child?" "Excuse me, but ummm.... I'm out of energy God. I'll read the Bible later."

This is wha happens when we are running more than our leg of the race...

Or running the wrong race to begin with.

I get out of breath just going up a few flights of stairs while carrying groceries to my apartment. So trust and believe, the thought of running, swimming, and cycling - all in one race/all by myself - sounds crazy and highly irresponsible. Considering, I just told you - I'm out of shape. But I do this all the time emotionally and spiritually. We all do. Most of the time we don't even properly prepare for what we are stepping into. As a generation of folks who make sure our phones are always charged, we definitely don't make sure we are.

But let's assume we did all the other stuff right. We went to whom we were sent by God. We stayed in our lane. We even made our exchange to the next runner (be it the Spirit or another vessel chosen by God), we can still forget something.

Have you ever finished your race without achieving your purpose/finishing your mission?

It's possible. We can get so caught up in running that we leave the most important piece behind. We can drop the baton - our person we were charged with helping. Sometimes it's not even malicious. I don't think anyone intends to leave a helpless person behind. Like we said, we still have the devil coming for us while we were helping another fight him as well. What if the person you were helping didn't want your help, and you feel no option but to leave them alone?

Dharius Daniels said it so well, in his sermon "Five Types of People You Can't Help." He made the distinction between "giving up" on people an "giving them up to God."

Sometimes we have to see which leg of the race we are running in, in someone else's life. Sometimes we are meant to carry that person to the finish line with us. Other times we are supposed to give them back to God. It's not giving up, when you acknowledge the need to surrender.

We run out of energy when we hold on to somethings we were meant to let go of.

Let's exit the example of the relay and picture running while dragging a weight behind you. It's one thing to be tired because you're running. That happens. But when you are carrying more than you are conditioned or instructed to bear, what do you expect to happen.

We have to exit the mind frame of inaccurately and mindlessly quoting 1 Corinthians 10:13. Understanding, yes - God will not give you more than you can bear. But we have to make sure that we are not taking more than He gave us as well.

Think about if you have a personal trainer, and you meet them at the gym regularly. They have a plan to make you stronger, using what they know you can safely lift. They've watched you, and they know your limits. If they give you 300lbs to squat, nothing in you should want to rack an additional 250lbs. Yeah... The weights are there. You have the ability to add more. But you trust what they assigned you, and you lift according to what they planned.

It's the same thing with God.

The answer to your live is never to out-lift, or outrun, God.