One Person's Trash

For the people who can't see beyond what you've created yourself to be

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Soooo.... Funny story.

I have a friend who was talking to me with encouragement in her intentions. I love her. Truly. During this moment of uplift, she tells me I remind her of "Forky."

Yes... Forky... From Toy Story 4.

I never felt so attacked in my life.

She immediately followed up saying, "But I'm not calling you trash!!! Hear me out." And I did. Little did she know, that "not calling you trash" comment was actually spot on. There's times I definitely feel like trash. More times than not, to be honest.

We laughed, hysterically, for a few moments. She continued to tell me sometimes she sees me pulling myself down as though I had no worth. That God created me to be this creature who is meant to bring joy and happiness to others, yet I find ways to demean who I am.

And I do this often. I've done this all my life. Maybe you have, too.

This post isn't too deep into the Word. Yes. There will be scripture. But it's more intended for self-reflection. I'm not sure if you're actually tracking how often I post, but it's been a minute. My normal cadence goes right into some bullet points. You know exactly where I'm going, and how we will go through it together. Not today.

Today, I want you to think about you. What do you think of yourself? Not the "you" you give other people. Not the "you" at work. Not the "you" on social media.

How do you really feel about YOU?!

For anyone who has not seen Toy Story 4, "Forky" is a toy made up of random items. A child was in her kindergarten classroom. She takes a plastic fork, some of the bubbly eyes, pipe cleaner, and a few other random things and made a friend. She brought it home, she slept with it. Forky went with her on a family vacation. But from the moment he was created, our buddy Forky wanted to jump right into the trash. He saw what he was made of, and connected with where he naturally thought he belonged. The trash.

Crazy thing is, it wasn't just the trash. He tried to jump out of a window. I think he even attempted to run into traffic. This creation, made of love, could not see what was worth loving.

"You kind of remind me of Forky..." More than I was ready to acknowledge and willing to recognize. And I know it's not just me.

Do you know Who created you? Do you know WHY?!

The little girl who made Forky didn't not have any other toys. But she made him. She wanted him. She loved him. And he didn't want the love. He didn't know how to accept it. He didn't understand his purpose. The purpose she created him with.

Do you know the purpose for which you were created?

God created you to love you. Yes. He has other children, but even with the 7.6 billion people in the world right now, HE WANTS TO LOVE YOU!!! And this is not a childlike kind of love.

I have a daughter. She is five. She loves me. I believe that. I also know her love is not mature enough to love me selflessly. She likes me when I do what she wants, buy the toys she wants, makes the food she likes. That's all love. But when I disappoint her, even if it's from an act of love and care... FOR HER OWN PROTECTION lol... she turns on me. Then the minute she realizes she needs something again, there is my angel. lol

Look at Genesis.... God created us from dirt! DIRT!!!! And made us, to love us.

Maybe we never got passed feeling like that dirt... Being created by an Almighty being. Who supplies all we need, whether we asked for it or not, and being loved unconditionally.

Knowing we don't deserve it.

How do you handle that?

Me?! I go through phases of confidence... And the lows normally outweigh and outnumber the highs.

I don't deserve to be here. And I'm not talking about suicide. But trust me, that is a chapter I've dealt with in my life. But I'm talking about... I don't deserve this love. I can't repay this. I don't know how to walk in this blessing. I don't know how to accept people who care about me. I question. I wonder. I run. I downgrade.

The trash makes more sense.. When you compare what you have with what you deserve.

What you are used to, versus what you should do. How you let people treat you, rather than how you should be treated.

It's easier to be trash. But man, does it stink.

Y'all, I need you to get this. It's easy to be trash, but it's worth it to be loved.

What does the Bible say about God's love?

It's "unconditional." - Romans 8:35, "Who shall separate us from the love of Christ..."

It sacrifices. - John 3:16, "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son."

It's stable. - Isaiah 54:10, "Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken..."

It loves you through the trash. - Ephesians 2:5, "Even when were dead in transgressions..."

Even through our attempts to return to trash, He loves us as though we are clean.

So what will it take for you to love YOU? I don't have that answer.

I still struggle to love me. And if you knew me, (how I see me, how I've lived to be where I am, the struggles I've dealt with becoming the 33 year-old me...).... If you KNEW. You'd understand.

But I'm also in a time of my life where I want to love others. And the Bible is very clear on how that goes.... "Love your neighbor as you love yourself." (Mark 12:31). You have to see who you were created to be. The only way you can do that is by first knowing Who created you.

Now I'll admit, again.. I still struggle with all of this. Knowing God. Loving me. Seeing why the heck He felt my breath on this earth was worth the oxygen He continues to place in my lungs every second of the day. I.. DON'T KNOW...

But I do know that I'm breathing. I'm able bodied. I'm working. I'm a mother. I'm a living design of my Father. At some point, I have to stop expecting people to pick me up from a trash that I placed myself in. I have to understand even with all the random things I am made of, suffer from, think about throughout the day... I was created to be loved.

I have to accept being worth being loved. Even if I am unworthy of the love I was created to receive. I was made to receive it, so that I can give it to others. And in the midst of my own self-reflection, I have a question for you....

How do you value others if you are still trying to put YOURSELF in the trash?