Not Enough

This is post will probably conflict against anything you ever learned or heard. Personally, and feel free to message me if I'm wrong, I've never heard any one deliver this perspective. I struggled for years about saying this to another person. I've never even shared this with my friend, Helen - who typically gets a sneak peek on any blog post before it's submitted. (Hi, Helen!)

So lucky you... Yes, you.

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Have you ever felt like nothing you ever did was right? Like you could give and give and give, and it would never be enough? Not smart enough. Not strong enough. Like you're fighting, and giving it your all, and you think you're going to lose because you don't have "what it takes."

Just.... Not. Enough.

Well... You're not.

(I feel like I just lost about 50% of you at that mark)

I'm saying this from a place of love and respect.

You.

Are.

Not.

Enough.

You'll never "be" enough. Stop trying.. It will seriously drive you crazy.

But you aren't along in this. Your bestie isn't "enough." Your dad isn't. Neither is your mom. The person you spend hours obsessing over on Instagram isn't enough.

And.. you guessed it... I'm not either.

Now, that I've probably committed third-degree assault on your self-esteem, let me put this in context. If any of us were truly capable of achieving our full-purpose with everything we have in us; would we need God? In the words of #RichWilkerson (Lead Pastor of Vous Church - Miami, FL), "This should not depress you. It should ignite you." Our deficiencies, and the proper perspective of them, are not purposed to make you feel "less than." But it depends on how you choose to see it. First we have to sit on the thought of not being "enough," and what that truly means for you.

Think of how much pressure that is.... being enough. Let's look at the definition - "adequate for the want or need; sufficient for the purpose or to satisfy desire." Sufficient means, "adequate for the purpose." Which is hilarious to me because "Adequate" means.... (yeah.. we're going there) "barely sufficient or suitable." In fact, under "adequate" the example is given that "being adequate is not good enough."

So even the broken down definition of "enough" means you aren't!!!

But this is a beautiful place to be, should you choose to see it that way. It means we are designed to depend on what will fill us up, what will lead us to sufficiency - that which will helps us achieve our purpose. God!

The Bible tells us in so many ways how we were created to be be lacking. Once again, this is not for us to feel "bad" about it.

When we feel weak, Nehemiah 8:10 says, "The joy of the Lord is my strength."

When we lack peace, James 1:19 tells us to be "slow to speak."

When we lack understanding, Proverbs 3:5 let's us know we can't "lean unto our own understanding"

When we are stressed, we're supposed to "cast our anxiety on Him."

When we're depressed, those of us who are "enduring hardships" are to "pray."

God is literally the answer to all of our deficiencies.

So given that we are created with voids, what sense does it make to do the following:

1. Trying to be our own answers

2. Going to others to be filled

I understand and have often been in spiritual survival mode. Life goes crazy and it feel like all hell has broken lose. We know "to pray," but under the pressure of all around us... we all (most of us) tend to look out for ourselves. We know "God will come through".. but when?

Because we don't have the patience it takes to truly trust God, we go with our guy instinct. And there is nothing more dangerous than that.

"The heart is deceitful above all things, and beyond cure" (Jeremiah 17:9). This means in our time of need, nothing and no one is more destructive than ourselves. We weren't designed to save ourselves. In fact, almost every sin committed starts in the heart. Look at this:

"The Lord saw that the wickedness of man was great on the earth, and that every intent of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually.." - Genesis 6:5

"Where will you be stricken again, as you continue in your rebellion? The whole head is sick

And the whole heart is faint." - Isaiah 1:5

"But the things that proceed out of the mouth come from the heart, and those defile the man.For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, slanders." - Matthew 15:18-19

With this logic, our hearts are what get us into trouble. Do we really expect it to get us out of it? And in addition to that, what the heck is another person going to do for us, when they have the same thing going on internally?

It's literally the "blind leading the blind" any way you spin it.

What choice do we have when the world is crumbling beneath us? A lot of them!

But which one is truly the answer? One... Him!!! (points up very dramatically)

Proverbs 12:25 tells us, "Anxiety weighs down the heart, but a kind word cheers it up."

That "good word" is God. Inversely, think about it this way... Your body and your spirit have an interesting way of letting you know when you don't have "enough" of Him in you. If a "good word" cheers up an anxious heart, then is your anxiety coming from being deficient in His Word?

Now - this is not me "playing doctor" or assuming all anxiety can be resolved by the Bible alone. Mental health is a real thing, and some of us need a few supplemental resources to help us get through it. Mind you.. those supplements (therapy, exercise, prescriptions) are just that - "supplements." They are not to be used in place of the Word of God.

I've paid a lot of attention to my mental and physical state, especially with everything going on in the world right now. I've noticed a direct correlation between how I feel and how often I sit in His presence. Even when my family, friends, Sorors... whoever... Even when they check on me, it does not replace my need to check in with Him.

I'm not.. They aren't... you aren't enough.

Walking around without letting God fix you.. transform you.. is like waking up from a hangover, dehydrated and completely out of it.... Knowing you need water, but choosing to drink more alcohol. It does more damage than good.

The Bible tells us, "Whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life” (John 4:14).

We should rejoice in our deficiencies... Not because we "can't" fix ourselves.. But because we were never designed to in the first place.

What a weight to be lifted from your shoulders when you realize you may be your wrecking crew but you are not the source of your renovations.