Hungover, but Here

doing what you have to do, to survive

I was watching an Elevation Church sermon a few days ago. Steven Furtick had me sobbing, as usual. (The link to the full sermon is below). Something he said that really struck my spirit was this, and I'm summarizing:

Some of the things you've done in your life, you did out of survival. You needed it to cope with what you were going through. It was the best you could do, given what you were going through. "Some of you have addictions because of this." And the goal was survival, not to sin. But the devil will strip your context of survival and reduce you to just the sin, and leave you with shame.

Pastor Steve continued to say, "We skip the story of God's faithfulness and we tell the story of our fear."

This made me reflect on my own life.

A few of my friends know about a certain time in my life when I tried to commit suicide. What very, very few people know is I've lost count of the times in my life when I tried to kill myself. (This was prior to becoming a mother)

I used to drink a lot. A whole lot. (The fact my liver is healthy, is a reflection of God's grace).

I would sit in darkness, whether metaphorical or in the actual middle of the night. I would just... sit.

I would think. With a bottle, or two.

I would evaluate the weight of what I was going through and the reality of tomorrow. I wondered, "Why am I here now?" and "Does it matter if I'm here tomorrow?" In the middle of being drunk I would attempt to overdose on pills, or I would fall asleep with the thought on my mind.

I'd wake up upset at still being alive.

Looking back at my life, and at the Word brought to me a few days ago, I've come to realize I've categorized my life as being a "productive alcoholic." When in reality, I'd overlooked a stronger fact. My purpose was so strong, it didn't matter what I did to cope. What could have killed me didn’t.

I'm here to talk to y'all today about your purpose being stronger than your sin or any addiction. I'm also not excusing your sin. Nor am I saying it's okay to sin going forward. I’m actually saying the opposite.

But what I can say, is the sin you used to cope is not your identity. It's possibly the circumstantial preservation of your purpose. Once you are restored in your next season, the platform of your deliverance will be the testimony that might deliver others.

Sometimes the stronger your struggle, the stronger your story.

I remember being told, a long time ago, "sometimes your life is the only Bible other people will experience."

That being said, forgive me for not having a bunch of scriptures to back this up.

But don't worry. I do have a few.

Jeremiah 29:11 tells us, "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Why would we need God to reassure us of plans to give us "hope" if He did not also see that we would end up in times of despair? I truly believe that we serve a God who is omnipotent and omniscient. I've touched on this in previous posts, that God is not only all-knowing but in all places at all times.

Walk with me through this thought, this fact.

At the same time Jesus was taking a sip of wine in Communion with the Apostles, I was also drinking. He saw me, as He looked at them.

He saw me. He sees you.

And scripture shows us times when God has met people in the midst of their sin and provided them a safe space to be who they were in that moment. Then He releases them to go on without staying attached to that sin. I don't find it coincidental the two stories that come to mind both involve women.

John 4:4 brings us to a well, where Jesus met a woman no one else would speak to. A woman who was living what some of us may call a reckless life. As Jesus speaks to her, in normal conversation, she finds Him telling her about her sins. This was not in a judgmental manner. As a matter of fact, He spoke of her sins as her truth. Not her identity.

The woman sees how nice God is to her, and instantly thinks He must be the Messiah. She ends up running into town and telling everyone she met Christ. And they listened to her. A woman who previously held attention of men for other reasons was then able to use that platform to draw people to Jesus.

John 8:3 has the Pharisees bringing a woman who was caught in the act of adultery to Jesus. They were trying to catch Him in a hypocritical stance, wondering how He would judge the woman and how He would recommend they treat her. Jesus told the men to "let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone." One by one the men left, and it was just the woman in front of Jesus. As they stood there, Jesus asked the woman if she saw her accusers. Realizing she was alone, she said "no, Lord." And was left with the simple instruction to "go and sin no more."

In both of these circumstances, Jesus could have easily taken the time to walk either or both women through a recap of their shame. With the first woman, He could have gone into the historical accounts of her previous five "husbands" (men she slept with outside of marriage). He could have made her remember how they met. How many times they had sex. He could have even gone into the fact that she was still sinning. Instead, He took the opportunity to say, "I know. I love you. Just stop."

Same with the second woman. She was brought to Him, pulled from "the act." She was probably barely covered. God could have had a long, drawn out conversation, as she stood in front of what had to have been many onlookers. He could have told her about herself, in the middle of already being embarrassed and rubbed it in. And He basically tells her two sentences and sends her on her way. He sent her to get dressed.

This is reminiscent of Adam and Eve. God saw them after they sinned. They knew they were naked. He already knew they were naked. And still He provided them with clothing to get dressed and go on.

Let me circle back... Because I'm sure someone is reading this and is sure to think, "Yeah, fam... but eating from a tree where they were told not to eat - not a matter of survival." Some might also think "having sex out of wedlock - not a means of survival." And I'm glad you feel the authority to decide what might be a means of survival for someone who isn't you. But where in your life could you have made other decisions, better decisions, but chose one over the other because you thought it was the best thing to do - in the moment?!

Let that marinate... We all have practices, coping mechanisms, and comfort sins we draw to when we feel like no one cares or no one sees us. Whether you want to confess it. Write a blog about it. Or whatever you may do to acknowledge your own strongholds ....

God sees it... And He was prepared for it.

He had a plan for you regardless.. And even as dumb as it was. As dangerous as it is...

He still has a plan for you. To not harm you, the way you are harming yourself.

A plan to give you hope, where you currently live in depression.

A future, where you (just like me) tried to end your present.

He's got you. It doesn't surprise Him.

In fact, it excites Him. Because He sees that future. He knows the foundation you can build out of the rocks that were thrown at you.

But there's one thing... You have to "go."

I find it interesting. Jesus in either case could have said "Sin no more, and go."

Do you think maybe, just maybe. He realized it's not as easy as it sounds. "Sin no more." If it was that easy to stop sinning, the first woman wouldn't have had five husbands before the sixth. The other woman would have not been in the position to be half-naked in the first place.

But what God does know is it's better to move at all, than to be stuck where you are.

Y'all, I can guarantee you there are many places in my life where the only reason I drank was because I was still and stagnant. It was easier to sit and open a bottle than it was to even leave my house and get some fresh air.

I knew at some point, I had to "go." Even today, I know I can't stop. My purpose didn't drown in those bottles of liquor. But I would have lost it completely, had I died.

If you are reading this blog, that means you are breathing. It means you have purpose.

Even if you have no clue what's after "go," I can promise you (because it's God's promise) your restoration is in front of you. It's not bound to what's behind you. Let it go. And go.

Restoration comes when you move forward.

Pastor Steve also said "Some of the things you've lost in your life, God is not going to bring them back in the exact same way. He is going to restore them to you in a greater way than you have ever seen them before..."

I won't get back the time I spent drinking, being lazy, or having sex with men who had no real interest in me in return. (Hey, I’m being honest.) But what I have now is a testimony. One I don't need to brag about, bring up awkwardly at reunions, none of that. I know people who know who I used to be.

And because I have their attention from then, God has them as an audience now.

Check out the message that inspired this post below.

#ElevationChurch #StevenFurtick #TimingYourTestimony