Hand-Picked for Hell

A realistic perspective, in the midst of your battle

---

Have you ever been in the middle of (what felt like) a midlife crisis? A tormenting segment of your life where you felt alone, at a time when you need every type of support possible? Where you reached out for help and it seemed like nobody, like not a single soul, could relate or understand what you are going through? Well, that's where I am... right now.

Crazy thing is... I know it's God. I mean.... C'mon... It's always God.

But this feels different.

You know how normally, you go through a season and you feel God right next to you? And you're comforted? Because you know He's there. Yeah.. This is not what I'm feeling or talking about. This moment is when, you know it's God, because you feel abandoned. Isolated. Alone.

And you have to force yourself to remember HE, "Will not leave you or forsake you." (Deuteronomy 31:6). Then, from lack of knowing the Bible the way you should... You instantly compare yourself to Job. Which... seriously... is not the situation.

You haven't lost your entire family. And (hopefully) you don't have friends telling you to turn your back on God.

Crazy thing is... even though the extenuating circumstances are not the same.

We are all Job.

We are all experiencing life through the permission of God and His authority.

As "busy" as the devil is (for those of us who have older parents and grandparents), the devil doesn't actually have "free reign" over the world and humans. Even as the Bible give Satan the title of being "ruler of the world" (John 12:31), it does not surrender God's power over all living things to the devil. Daniel 4:17 confirms this by telling us, "The Most High rules the kingdom of men and gives it to whom he will." Which basically means, Satan can rule the world under God's supervisor and permission. Going back to Job, when Satan was making his case (that Job only serves and obeys God because he - Job - had nothing to lose), God told Satan he could do anything by hurt Job directly.

Kind of like, "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger."

If you read that in Kelly Clarkson's voice... That's cool. I sang it a little in my head. :)

But it's true.

If you are like me, and it feels like everything is falling apart in your life. Analyze this... Is it killing YOU? Are YOU the person directly getting hurt by what's going on right now?

In my case.. The answer is, "no." I'll be 100% in what I'm dealing with. My Granny died a month ago. The day after, my daughter's father (my ex-husband and only relationship I ever had) had two strokes in the same night. Since then, he's had two more strokes and his kidneys are "permanently damaged." (That's in quotations because the doctors said it, but I believe God can do all things). I'm going through those situations but they are not directly happening to me. I'm not dead. My kidneys are... decent. I've had no strokes.

Our daughter still has a stable home environment and financial/physically has felt no impact to her daily life expectations.

I'm not Job, but I am someone God gave permission to Satan to test. So are you.

Hand-picked for this battle. Hand-picked for hell.

Almost like my soul received certified mail from an arc angel saying, "Congratulations.. God has so much faith in your obedience, He has permitted Satan to put you through everything you never thought of and didn't prepare for." And as you scroll through the memorandum and read the fine print you realize you'll have no support system, no financial backup plan, and no readily available "it's gonna be okay." Just this note, promising you a life of pain, tears, and hell on earth.

Crazy thing is ... That note... Is the Bible.

"In fact, everyone who wants to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted." - 2nd Timothy 3:12.

"Even thought I walk through the valley of the shadow of death...." - Psalm 23:4.

It's crazy to me. We all know the scriptures about how God, in the form of Jesus, promises us that we will go through persecution. Then it happens, and we fall on our knees and shout to God wondering what we did to cause these tragedies on our lives.

Jesus did nothing. Literally... Absolutely... Nothing... And He was crucified.

Go back to that Kelly Clarkson song in your head... "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."

Christ died so we could be stronger. He was killed so we wouldn't die, an eternal death.

Fast forward to me.... 2,000-plus years later... Going through what I am. You going through whatever you are.. We aren't being killed, but our souls... our faith... is being tested.

It's not a pass/fail exam. It's a growth chart. It's a commitment.

Not from us to God, that we will be infallible. But from God to us, that He will not fail us. But if you are anything like me, and you are going through a daily rotation, feeling like bricks are hitting you in the face... You feel failed. You feel alone. You feel forgotten. You feel forsaken.

You're pissed at God.

And that is okay. Unpopular statement, but true. And guess what? God knows you're feeling this way. What the devil expects you to do, is to keep that feeling - those feelings - bottled in. If you haven't read my post, Parental Guidance, please do for reference. My dad caused a hindrance in the relationship between my mother and I by simply instilling in me the fear of talking to my mom about what he was putting me through. Because of that, I endured things I probably didn't have to (at least for a longer period of time than I probably needed to). There was permanent deficit in the support I had, but didn't tap into, because I didn't speak up.

When you feel upset with God, over things happening in your life, you have to communicate that disappointment to our Father. Your Father. If He allowed it to happen, He's also expecting you to tell Him what you need to make it through. We were hand-picked for our journey, but we were not expected to go through it with a spirit of desolation and incommunicable desperation.

It's in times of desperation and fear that an individual's IQ drops at least 20 points. That's just science. So let's apply this to spiritual battles. We are more likely to sin, in points of our lives when we feel our world is falling apart. But we were chosen to experience these valleys because God is expecting us to ask Him for help. Support. Advice. Guidance.

If we don't seek Him during our times of hell, we will most-likely make decisions that could impact our eternity.

Trust me, y'all. In these times it will not.... it does not ... feel like He is with you. And that is where the devil will try and get the upper hand.

Anybody who has ever bench-pressed a large amount of weight, or did more than they are conditioned to do on squats, knows this fact...

The weight doesn't change from when you are by yourself, or when you have a spotter. Two-45s on each side of the bar will still equal 225lbs whether someone is beside you or not.

But there is still something about having that spotter.

A good spotter knows not to lift the weight for you. They will hype you up; motivate you. They remind you, "You aren't alone. I'm right here with you." Half the time when they do touch the bar, they aren't even lifting anything, but you know they are there. And because you see them, you dig deep and you push through. You get stronger.

The great thing is, God is better than any spotter.

I stopped asking God for strength a long time ago... (More like last month). But that's because I realized something... If the battle I'm fighting is not mine (2nd Chronicles 20:15), but "it's the Lord's." Why do I need strength? I don't.

What I need is an open, fluid communication between myself and my Maker.

I prayed this prayer...

"God, I know this is in your hands. I won't pray for strength, because that's something I'm not meant to have "in" me, but through you. What I am asking is for you to give me direction to carry out what YOU need from me, for my part to bring you glory.

Help me not be distracted by having no one beside me to walk through this. Help me show my daughter everything YOU do won't always "feel" good, but is good.

Help me seek You, and be comforted by You; instead of calling and waiting on everyone else.

The room I sit in is empty, because I know I am supposed to solely lean and depend on you.

If you truly desire me to do this along, then I expect you to fight this battle for me. The battles I don't see coming, and the ones I'm currently in. I expect you to help me provide where I no longer have support. I expect you to comfort me when no one else is thinking of me.

I know my faith is not "being tested," but being built and matured. My flesh is crying out to a Source only my spirit can hear.

I need you now more than ever."

Talk about a difficult prayer. I was telling God, the One who made me, what He needs to do.

It's not selfish. It's what we are supposed to do.

We have a book filled with promises and commitment, supplemented by the actions of a God who never allows His Word to return void. Why not show God that you know God?

I need the God who separated the Red Sea to pull me through my situations. I'm not even trying to cross a body of water, I just want to make it through the other side of this!

God - you sent Moses on a suicide mission and you protected him through every, "no" and every barrier. DO THE SAME FOR ME!!!

If I am going to go through hell on earth, I'm going to lean on (and set expectations) with the same God who went to hell and set me free two-thousand-plus years ago.

What are you going through? (Cause I know this ain't just me)...